Key points
- The top male sexual fantasies include having sex in unusual places, connecting emotionally, giving and receiving oral sex, masturbating a partner, being dominant, having threesomes, and being aggressive.
- Men’s sexual fantasies are more frequently about people they don’t know, are often highly visual, and focus more on the explicit aspects of sex rather than the emotional.
- Research shows men tend to fantasize about sex more than women while masturbating.
If you want to know how to make your husband happy in bed or you’re curious if your own sexual fantasies are “normal,” you’ve come to the right place. We’re going to take a deep dive into what the research says about top male fantasies, if they’re any different from what women desire, and if sex is really that important in a relationship.
Sexual fantasies are “mental imagery that is sexually arousing or erotic to the individual having them,” says Tanginika-Simone Cuascud Vega, PhD, ABS, a clinical sexologist, sexual health educator, and surrogate partner therapy facilitator.
While fantasizing differs across gender and sexual orientation, research continues to show that men generally have more sexual fantasies than women.
And that is entirely common.
In fact, having sexual fantasies or desires is considered one of the most common sexual experiences humans have. Recent research reports that 90–97% of the general population have erotic fantasies.
7 top men’s sexual fantasies
So what is it that men fantasize about? Here’s our list of the top male fantasies according to experts.
1. Having sex in an unusual place
One of the most desired fantasies by men is to have sex in what they consider an “unusual place,” according to a 2015 study from Quebec, Canada that included 717 people who identified as men.
More than 4 out of 5 men surveyed said they fantasized about sex in unusual places, like at the office or public toilets.
2. Emotional connection
Feeling emotionally connected to a sex partner makes a big difference for the vast majority of people who identify as men.
More than 88.3% of men in the Quebec study said they enjoy feeling romantic emotions during a sexual relationship.
3. Oral sex
Giving and receiving oral sex is a top fantasy among men.
In the Quebec study, 78.1% of men said they had fantasized about giving cunnilingus (oral sex on a vulva), 26.8% said they had fantasized about giving fellatio (oral sex on a penis).
A total of 87.6% said they had fantasized about “taking part” in either.
4. Masturbating a partner
Most men have an erotic desire to pleasure their partner(s). The study above reported that 76% of male participants fantasized about masturbating their partner.
This is similar for gay men, who reported masturbating another man as one of their top fantasies.
5. Being dominant
The majority of men enjoy being in charge during sex. In the Quebec study, 59.6% of the male participants fantasized about dominating someone sexually.
But this isn’t a clear cut finding. Although it has been the accepted consensus that men fantasize about having a more dominant and active role in a sexual encounter, a recent study did not support this conclusion.
6. Having threesomes
Men have a higher interest in inviting a third person into the bedroom.
Researchers in this study found that male participants had a stronger interest and more favorable attitudes toward mixed-gender threesomes (MGTs) than female participants.
Similarly, men, nonbinary individuals, older adults and anyone who identified as non-hetero was more likely to have fantasies about multiple partners or being in an open relationship of some kind (within a monogamous relationship).
7. Being aggressive
Some men take pleasure in being aggressive in bed. The majority of men in this study reported having at least one aggression-related sexual fantasy (ASF) at some point in their lives. Examples of ASF include scratching a partner’s back, verbal aggression, intimidation, whipping, spanking, and degradation.
For gay men, fantasies about forced sexual intercourse with men (being forced, forcing or both) was reported as common in this study.
As a precaution, if you or your partner has these fantasies, be sure to establish consent, boundaries, and safety considerations before engaging in any sexual acts. Having a fantasy does not necessarily mean the person wants to carry it out in real life.
Are men’s fantasies different from women’s?
While it’s clear that both men and women have erotic fantasies, what they desire can vary.
A study from 1990 found that men had sexual fantasies that involved imagined partners rather than people they knew personally, were dominated by visual images, focused less on romance and more on explicit acts, and thought more of their sexual partners as sexual objects.
On the other hand, female participants often had fantasies about someone they were currently dating or had a relationship with in the past. They tended to think about physical touch, emotions, and the atmosphere or ambiance where the sexual act occurred.
Interestingly, men’s fantasies included taking pleasure in their partner’s pleasure more than women’s, whereas women were a little bit more likely to focus on their own pleasure, according to this study.
Meanwhile, the Quebec study showed that men and women both prioritized emotional connection above all else, with the vast majority (92.2% in women, 88.3% in men) saying they valued romantic connection in a sexual relationship.
Read our article on women’s top sexual fantasies for more.
What about nonbinary sexual fantasies?
There’s not much research out there on sexual fantasies in people who identify as nonbinary. This article focuses mainly on sex preferences for people who identify as men — both gay and straight.
One study in 44 people looked at the differences in erotic fantasies between nonbinary and cisgender people.
Those who identified as nonbinary had sex fantasies that were overall similar to those who identified as cisgender. However, nonbinary people’s fantasies tended to include non-normative genitals more often, and were less likely to include themselves as an object of desire.
Frequently asked questions
Here are answers to some common questions about men’s sexual fantasies.
Which gender fantasizes more?
Men tend to have more frequent sexual fantasies than women, especially when masturbating, according to one European study that surveyed 3,136 young adults between 18 and 25 years old.
The study looked at the differences between men and women of different sexual orientations, but didn’t look at sex fantasies in people with nonbinary gender identity.
Do men need sex?
Not necessarily. And when they do want sex, it’s not always as much as our culture says they do.
There are many stereotypes around sexuality, including the idea that men want more sex than women do, all day every day. That can be true for some people at some times, but it isn’t true across the board.
How much sex men want depends on the person, their relationship with their partner, their mood, and much more.
For example, one study in 133 heterosexual couples found that men were just as likely to have lower sexual desire in the couple as women.
Everyone has varying sexual needs, Vega says, referring to a recent study.
“Men have more sexual thoughts than women and that those sexual thoughts are more detailed than women’s,” Vega says. “It is important to note that men may find closeness and intimacy through sex, whereas women may need more closeness and intimacy before they can have sex.”
Is sex important in a relationship?
That’s a question only you and your partner can answer. For some people sexual satisfaction is very important in a relationship, while for others it’s not important at all — and everything in between.
According to Vega, this depends on what you and your partner want out of the relationship. “Sex is as important in a relationship as the people in it deem it,” she says.
“We can say that most people understand that being in a relationship includes engaging in sex with some regularity,” says Vega. “The main problem is that not everyone goes into a relationship with the same clarity about the role of sexual activity in the health of the relationship.”
If you’re looking for ways to improve your sexual relationship with your partner, read our article on scheduling intimacy with your partner by couples therapist and sex expert Erin Davidson.
The final word
Understandably, you want to ensure that not only are you sexually satisfied but that your partner is, too. Our best advice? Ask your partner what their sexual fantasies are, and share your own.
From there, decide which ones you’re both comfortable engaging in and give them a try.
And if your sexual fantasy didn’t land on our list, no stress! There are countless possibilities and researchers can’t cover every single one. What matters most is that your fantasies satisfy you, are carried out with consent, and allow you to engage in a healthy exploration of your sexuality.