Key points
- Polyamory and polygamy are types of non-monogamous relationships — that is, relationships between more than two romantic and/or sexual partners.
- Both are often misunderstood and judged harshly by society.
- Here’s a key difference: Polyamory is all about ethical and consensual relationships with multiple partners — no marriage required. Polygamy, on the other hand, does involve marriage, is illegal in many countries, and many consider it to be unethical.
Relationships can take many forms, not just monogamy. Yet, many people choose to keep these dynamics private to avoid being judged.
Monogamy is the practice of having a single sexual or romantic partner at a time. In some cultures it means being married to only one person.
On the other hand, a non-monogamous relationship is an umbrella term that means any kind of romantic and/or sexual relationship between more than two people.
Two of the most well-known non-monogamous relationship types are polyamory and polygamy. Both involve more than two romantic partners, but they’re not the same.
In this article, we break down the basics of polyamory vs. polygamy.
Before diving in, it’s important to understand what each relationship type is.
What is polyamory?
Polyamory is a form of ethical non-monogamy. People also call it consensual non-monogamy (CNM). It allows individuals to pursue multiple romantic and sexual relationships with the consent of everyone involved.
Consent is key here. For this reason, polyamory is not considered infidelity, also known as cheating.
People first started using the term polyamory in the early ’90s to talk about relationships that were more emotional or longer-term than swinging.
Swinging is a sexual practice that emerged in popular culture in the ’50s. In it, committed couples have sexual relations with other couples or single people outside the couple, with a focus on sex for recreation. “Wife-swapping” is an older term for it.
Unlike swinging, polyamory emphasizes emotional connections alongside physical intimacy.
There are several types of polyamorous relationships. These go by various names among polyamory communities, including:
- Solo polyamory: A person maintains several romantic relationships while keeping their independence. They choose not to live with their partners. They also maintain their own finances and don’t have a primary relationship.
- Hierarchical polyamory: Partners are “ranked” according to their status. Certain partners, called primaries, may take priority over others, called secondaries.
- Parallel polyamory: Partners’ partners, called metamours, remain separate and rarely interact. In this type of polyamory, two people you’re in relationships with would not have a significant relationship of any kind with each other.
- Kitchen table polyamory: A more interconnected approach where metamours interact with each other, sort of like a big family.
- Vee (V) or hinge polyamory: A situation in which one person is in relationships with two other people. You can picture the relationship between people in the shape of a letter V or a door hinge. One person is at the bottom or hinge of the V. The partners at the “arms” of the V are not as close to each other as they are to the hinge partner.
- Polyfidelity: A closed group of romantic partners where everyone within the group is romantically exclusive to others within the group, fostering deep connections among the partners.
Like in a monogamous relationship, a polyamorous person may have a “nesting partner,” which is someone they live with and may share finances and a bed with.
What’s polygamy?
Polygamy is a marriage involving more than one spouse.
The practice is illegal in Canada, the United States, and most European countries. However, some countries allow people to be married to several partners at the same time. About 2% of people around the world practice polygamy.
There are three general types of polygamy:
- Polygyny: One husband is married to two or more wives. It’s not limited to one cultural group. People from different places and different religions, including Islam and Christianity, practice polygyny. It’s most common in Africa compared with other continents, including in Benin, Nigeria, Cameroon, Côte D’Ivoire, and Mali.
- Polyandry: One wife is married to two or more husbands. Polyandry is much more rare than polygyny and tends to be present in egalitarian societies. Famous examples are in cultural groups in the Marquesas Islands of the South Pacific, and among societies in the Himalayas, but polyandry is practiced around the world.
- Polygynandry or group marriage: A group relationship where two or more wives are simultaneously married to two or more husbands. It may also refer to relationships without marriage in which women have multiple sexual partners who are men, and men have multiple sexual partners who are women.
Most cases of polygamy are polygyny, in which one man is married to two or more women. So people often use the words “polygamy” and “polygyny” to talk about this type of relationship.
Why is polyamory accepted but not polygamy?
Both polyamorous and polygamous people face criticism, but polygamy, especially polygyny (where one man has multiple wives), often carries a heavier stigma.
Why? Well, polygamy has a bad reputation associated with famous cases in which men in power forced underage girls into polygynous marriages with older men.
But it’s not only those extraordinary cases that show polygamy can be harmful.
Research that looked at 22 studies from around the world has also shown that women in polygynous relationships have more mental health issues compared with women in monogamous relationships.
They can face mental health problems including depression and anxiety, paranoia, psychoticism, and feelings of helplessness.
They’re also more likely to experience:
- low marital satisfaction
- low self-esteem
- issues with family functioning
This may be because polygamous relationships often involve power imbalances and abuse.
Research suggests first wives may experience worse mental health effects than second or third wives.
Polygamous relationships can also result in reduced well-being and mental health issues in children of the polygamous family.
The United Nations Human Rights Committee has called for polygamy to be abolished, stating, “Polygamy violates the dignity of women. It is an inadmissible discrimination against women.”
Polyamory vs. polygamy: A comparison
Here’s a comparison of polyamory vs. polygamy:
| Polygamy | Polyamory | |
| Consent | Not all partners may agree to or feel comfortable with polygamy | Usually an ethical and consensual form of non-monogamy |
| Marriage | Required in some cultures | Not required |
| Is it legal? | Illegal in most countries, including Canada, the United States, and most of Europe | Legal |
| Types | Polygyny, polyandry, and polygynandry | Solo, hierarchical, parallel, kitchen table, vee (V) or hinge, and polyfidelity |
| Characteristics | Often connected to specific religious or cultural practices, patriarchal systems, abuse, and power imbalances | Allows people to freely explore romantic and/or sexual relationships by encouraging trust, consent, and love |
The final word
Polyamory and polygamy are two types of non-monogamous relationships, each with distinct practices.
Polygamy centers around marriage and can sometimes raise ethical concerns. Polyamory is rooted in consensual, ethical partnerships and doesn’t depend on marriage.