A backhanded compliment is a way for the compliment giver to seem nice but also subtly (or not so subtly) undercut the receiver. There’s always an insult buried in it.
Experts define a backhanded compliment as “seeming praise that draws comparison with a negative standard.”
It usually takes the form of a two-part sentence that begins with a compliment followed by a stipulation or comparison that changes the tone and meaning of the compliment. The statement could also more subtly introduce judgement or doubt.
These negative implications make the compliment insincere and leave the receiver with the feeling of being insulted rather than complimented.
- A backhanded compliment always contains: A hidden dig or insult. This can be as subtle as inserting “actually” into a compliment, or a much clearer comparison with a negative standard.
- Examples of backhanded compliments:
- “You’re really attractive for your age.”
- “You’re more attractive than I thought you would be.”
- “You actually look good today.”
- Purpose of backhanded compliments: Someone who gives backhanded compliments may feel that complimenting others threatens their own status. A backhanded compliment is a way for the giver to show they’re likeable while at the same time keeping the status of the compliment receiver below their own.
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Health and science writer and founder of Relationship Smart, Stephanie believes the world of our minds is real, important, and studyable, and that our social relationships are core to our well-being — much more than we give them credit for. She created Relationship Smart to explore the endless ways our relationships affect us, and to answer all your burning questions about them with scientific rigor and sensitivity.