What Is DARVO? Examples, Tips, and Signs

Highlights

• DARVO refers to manipulation tactics that abusers use to justify their actions and shift blame onto others. 
• These harmful behaviors can damage a victim’s credibility and self-esteem, causing them to doubt their own integrity. 
• Learning the signs can empower you to protect yourself and maintain your confidence.

DARVO is an approach that psychologically abusive people might use to deflect responsibility and attempt to play the victim. 

Research shows this kind of manipulation may play a role in the victim-blaming of people who have experienced sexual assault. It may also make victims less trustful of others and less likely to report incidents of sexual assault.

Another study involving 138 undergraduate students found that people who have experienced DARVO tactics are more likely to engage in self-blame. 

Understanding this type of manipulation is key to identifying it. Below, we explain DARVO tactics in more detail. 

If you’re experiencing abuse or think you may be in danger from an intimate partner, please call the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline for free, confidential assistance in the United States. Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text “START” to 88788.

What is DARVO? 

Ever felt like someone twisted the truth to make themselves look better? You might have encountered DARVO — a sneaky tactic that manipulative individuals use to flip the script. 

DARVO stands for:

• Deny
• Attack
• Reverse victim and offender

People may use DARVO to protect their image, avoid accountability, and shift the blame onto others. 

Here’s a look at what this manipulation tactic entails.

Step 1: Deny wrongdoing.

People using DARVO tactics might start with a defense, flat-out denying the accusations against them. They may minimize their actions, saying things like “It’s no big deal” or “It’s not worth getting so upset about.”

Research on DARVO techniques highlights that denial alone isn’t a definitive sign of DARVO since innocent people also deny false accusations.

What sets DARVO apart is how the person responds— they’re typically indignant and self-righteous. Sometimes, the person admits to the behavior but justifies it in a way that lets them off the hook. Their tone also often aims to intimidate. 

Step 2: Attack credibility.

The next step involves making friends, family, legal authorities, and even the person experiencing the abuse question the victim’s credibility. 

The person behaving in an abusive way might gaslight their partner, making them question their own memory. They might even try to convince others that the victim is somehow responsible or doesn’t remember things accurately. 

Victim-blaming statements, like “they didn’t resist” or “they were dressed skimpy, so they were asking for it,” often come into play here.

Step 3: Reverse victim and offender.

When someone uses DARVO tactics, they also spin the narrative to appear as the real victim, casting doubt on the credibility of the abused person. For example, they might claim their partner is just making up accusations to hurt them.

Evidence suggests this can be an effective way to avoid responsibility. Victims of DARVO may appear less credible and more culpable for the abuse and mistreatment inflicted upon them. 

2 DARVO examples 

Here are some examples of situations where DARVO might apply.

Sexual assault

In sexual assault cases with minimal physical evidence, the legal system often lies on the perceived credibility of the people involved.

Abusers may manipulate situations to cast doubt on the person who experienced abuse, potentially causing the judge or jury to question the victim’s credibility or partly blame them for what they’ve gone through.

Intimate partner violence

More than 80% of people convicted of domestic violence made at least one comment that minimized the situation, such as “things were blown out of proportion.” Over half of them used victim blaming.

The same study found that men convicted of intimate partner violence frequently blamed their partners for their actions and minimized their partners’ injuries, saying they weren’t as bad as police or medical reports said. 

Those who minimized injuries were also likely to defend their actions by saying they were just defending themselves — a classic reverse victim and offender move.

How to respond to DARVO tactics 

In a healthy relationship, you should be able to express when you feel hurt. Ideally, they’ll listen and at least try to understand where you’re coming from.

Defensiveness can happen (e.g., “I didn’t mean to!”), but if they react with denial and anger, it’s impossible to be heard, let alone understood. 

Responding to DARVO tactics can be tough, but here are some research-backed tips:

1. Learn about DARVO. The study we previously mentioned found that when participants had knowledge of DARVO, they were more likely to recognize manipulation tactics. 
2. Don’t take the bait. It can be tempting to defend yourself when someone uses DARVO tactics on you, but arguing back might give your abuser more fuel. If you can, walk away from the situation.
3. Take notes. When you’re in a safe place, jot down what happened and when and where it occurred, and keep any evidence, like screenshots of texts.
4. Take care of yourself. Dealing with manipulation can be exhausting. Make sure to prioritize your own well-being. 

Signs your partner is using DARVO 

Here’s what DARVO tactics might sound like:

Minimizing or denying the behavior

• I don’t know what you’re talking about.
• It could have been a lot worse.
• You’re just being sensitive.
• I didn’t do anything.

Blaming

• You’re acting crazy.
• You were screaming at me.
• You drank too much and probably don’t remember what happened.

Acting like the victim

• I can’t believe you’re doing this to me.
• You really hurt me.
• You hurt me worse than I ever could have treated you.
• I was defending myself against your aggression.

The final word

DARVO techniques are a manipulation strategy people use to blame someone else for interpersonal violence. These techniques can be emotionally damaging. 

Recognizing the behavior can help stop it from happening, but if someone uses DARVO tactics against you, know that it’s not your fault.