How to Stand Up to a Bully at Work: 5 Tips

Highlights 

• Workplace bullying is extremely stressful and can have long-term impacts on your mental health and career status.
• Common workplace bullies include higher-ranking managers and bosses.
• More companies have anti-bullying policies in place than in the past, but they’re not always effective.

Bullying in the workplace can take many forms — lying, withholding information, yelling, or pressuring someone to act unethically are just a few examples.

Unlike kid bullies, workplace bullies often hide behind a friendly or helpful facade. They may spread rumors, sabotage projects, or undermine their colleagues, sometimes without even realizing the harm they’re doing, according to experts writing for Harvard Business Review.

And bullying can come from anyone, not just people in positions of authority. 

“In their minds, bullies are simply telling the truth,” says Christina Granahan, an Enneagram-informed therapist and coach. 

“They generally think they must defend themselves, protect themselves or others, or promote something about themselves by aggressively and frankly talking about it. They both lack diplomacy in communication and don’t see themselves as being mean. They see themselves as strong, direct, and, oftentimes, courageous. They’re going to win the battle no matter what it takes. They, like all of us, are trying to get some need met and going about it the wrong way.”

5 tips for how to handle a bully at work 

Before handling a bully at work, Granahan recommends reflecting for a minute to be sure you’re experiencing bullying.

“I always suggest that people look at themselves first,” she says. “Ask yourself if it is true that you are being bullied or could it also be true that you are sensitive to not getting your way, people who are overly direct, or people who are more assertive than you.”

If you’re confident you’re being bullied, here are some tips you might find helpful.

Ask the person to stop

If you feel comfortable talking to the person who is using bullying tactics, you could start there, Granahan says. But you have to be direct.

“You, yourself, must develop the same skill they have: direct communication,” she says.

“Don’t waffle or hesitate. Bullies are excellent at being immediate and direct and often have a strong physical presence. You must try to embody that same presence without reacting to the bully. Gather up your strength and let them know that you aren’t comfortable with their approach.”

Granahan recommends saying something like: “I’m not comfortable when you talk to me like that. It’s fine for you to disagree with me, but it isn’t OK for you to repeatedly harass me like this.”

Put it in writing

After speaking directly to your bully, consider sending them an email to reinforce your request. Putting your request in writing is also an option if you don’t feel safe or comfortable speaking to them directly, says Granahan. 

You can also ask them to communicate with you only in writing, which not only sets boundaries but also provides a paper trail if needed. 

If you do have a face-to-face conversation, be sure to document it. 

“In general, it’s a good idea to document every interaction, including the date and time, so that you have a record should the dispute need formal intervention,” Granahan says.

Find a mediator

If the behavior doesn’t change, consider involving a mediator. Reach out to your manager or HR for support. Share any written evidence of the behavior and its impact on you. 

If colleagues have witnessed the bullying, encourage them to share their experiences with the mediator, too. 

Choose to ignore it

Sometimes, people who use bullying behaviors are just trying to get a reaction out of you. 

If you don’t give them the reaction they want, they might get bored and leave you alone. If the behavior is something you can ignore or walk away from, give it a try.

Move on

It’s not fair, but if the person won’t change and leadership can’t or won’t intervene, removing yourself from the situation might be the healthiest choice. 

Start exploring new opportunities. Reach out to your professional network and look for a role in a more supportive work environment. 

What to do when your boss is a bully 

A 2021 workplace bullying survey revealed that 65% of bullying happens when a boss or manager targets a lower-ranking employee. 

While efforts to hold workplace bullies accountable have improved, the impact on victims’ careers remains significant. 

In fact, 67% of those targeted reported being fired, transferred, or leaving their job as a result. 

Signs of a toxic boss often include: 

• Aggressive behavior, like name-calling or throwing objects
• Rewarding others for similar hostile actions
• Pressuring you to misrepresent facts or data
• Making unreasonable demands, like working during your vacation or babysitting their kids

Your company may have policies in place to protect employees who report unethical or inappropriate behavior. If you feel safe using these channels, consider starting there. 

If your boss pressures you to commit fraud or break the law, it’s important to refuse. Following illegal instructions isn’t a valid legal defense. 

In the United States, you can report fraud to the Federal Trade Commission. In Canada, report it to the Anti-Fraud Centre. Be sure to keep any records of unethical or illegal requests. 

The workplace bullying survey we mentioned above shows that only 23% of bosses who bully employees face consequences. The employer or colleagues step in to stop the behavior in only 10% of cases. 

Examples of workplace bullying 

Bullying at work can deeply damage morale and leave lasting effects on people. It’s also one of the most stressful challenges you can face in the workplace, affecting your well-being and performance. 

If you’re dealing with a workplace bully, you might:

• Feel physically unwell
• Struggle with burnout and exhaustion
• Have trouble sleeping
• Experience harm to your reputation
• Have people questioning your trust or credibility
• Lose important relationships

Workplace bullying can be subtle, like withholding important information a colleague needs to succeed. Or it can be more obvious, like name-calling or screaming. 

Here are some examples of bullying behaviors.

Hostility

Hostility in the workplace creates a toxic work environment. 

Bullying behaviors can include:

• Yelling
• Throwing objects
• Lying
• Harassment based on race, ethnicity, or gender

Undermining

Undermining often involves tactics like spreading rumors or twisting the truth to discredit someone perceived as a threat. 

Controlling

Controlling behavior in the workplace can show up as silencing, blaming, or humiliating a colleague. These actions are often attempts to assert dominance over others. 

Manipulating

Subtle forms of workplace control can be just as harmful as overt actions. Tactics like manipulation, withholding information, tattling, or gaslighting can undermine trust and confidence. 

Gaslighting, in particular, involves making someone doubt their own memory or perception. For example, a gaslighting coworker might say, “I told you about that on Monday,” even if the conversation never happened. 

The final word 

Workplace bullying can take a serious toll on your mental health and your career. 

Even with workplace policies in place, managers often escape accountability for mistreating employees. By documenting unfair or inappropriate behavior, you can better protect yourself and take steps to address the issue.