Your Partner’s Menstrual Cycle: Their Needs, Mood, and More

Key points

• The menstrual cycle has four phases, and people who have periods are constantly cycling through them.
• Reproductive hormones estrogen and progesterone fluctuate through the cycle, possibly impacting your partner’s moods and needs.
• Where your partner is at in their cycle can affect their pain levels, energy, sexual interest, eating habits, and sleep.
• The best way to find out what your partner needs is to ask them.

If your intimate partner has a menstrual cycle, you likely know when they’re on their period. But do you know what’s happening the rest of the time?

The menstrual cycle has four phases and your partner may have different moods and needs during each.

This guide will help you understand the general characteristics of each phase and how you can help your partner thrive through all of them.

That said, we’re all different. When in doubt, the best way to find out what your partner needs is to ask them!

How to support your partner during their period (menstruation)

What’s really going on when your partner’s having their period?

Menstruation phase basics

• Technical name: This phase is also called the menstrual or early follicular phase.
• Cycle days: Assuming each day of the menstrual cycle is numbered, and the cycle starts when menstruation starts, the menstrual phase lasts from about days 1 to 6, based on an average 28 day cycle.
• Hormone profile: Progesterone and estrogen levels are low.

Do you notice your partner’s mood change during their period? This could be due to a sudden drop in estrogen and progesterone that happens when a person’s period starts.

For some people with periods (and their partners) this can be an intense time.

Menstruation can bring psychological distress, irritability, and decreased self-esteem, alongside physical symptoms including cramps, breast tenderness, muscle and joint pain, and pain during sex. Not to mention the bleeding.

One reproductive health expert even told online news site Quartz that menstrual cramps are “​​almost as bad as having a heart attack.”

Many women report increased interpersonal conflicts and reduced social interaction during their period. Experts think these behavioural shifts might also contribute to feeling depressed and isolated.

It’s not all bad though.

Menstruation signals the start of a new cycle and can represent letting go of the past. It can be a time of increased introspection and offers an opportunity to rest and reset.

How you can help

• Validate and empathize: Consider saying something like, “I can’t imagine what cramps feel like, but it sounds so uncomfortable. I hate that you’re hurting.”
• Ask, “What would help you feel 10% more comfortable right now?”: Maybe it’s a hot water bottle, tea, or a shoulder rub. Chances are there’s something you can do to help ease a bit of discomfort.
• Consider pausing social plans: Opting for a Netflix binge over buying concert tickets or hosting a games night will likely be more in line with your partner’s energy this week.
• Embrace the slowness: Spend an evening together journaling, reflecting on life, and setting intentions for the next cycle.
• Regulate your own nervous system: That is, intentionally calm yourself whenever you’re feeling stressed or upset. The less reactive you are, the easier it will be to respond with kindness to your partner.

What do they need during the follicular phase?

After their period is finished, your partner may begin to feel more energetic — and potentially more stressed.

Follicular phase basics

• Technical name: Late follicular or pre-ovulatory phase.
• Cycle days: 7 to 13.
• Hormone profile: Estrogen levels are rising.

The week after bleeding can bring your partner a feeling of relief. They might feel a surge of energy and be ready to get active again after the quiet of menstruation.

But for folks whose periods cause a high level of disruption in their daily life, the feeling of reemergence can be intense — like a switch has flipped and suddenly you’re back to “normal.”

You partner might feel a sense of pressure to catch up on everything all at once, whether it’s unanswered emails or rescheduling plans with friends. Some studies also show higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol during this phase.

How to help

• Ease their stress: Let your partner know there’s no pressure to catch up on everything right away.
• Plan adventurous activities: This can be the perfect time to go on a hike or take a vacation.
• Tackle a DIY project: Things like organizing your storage space or going to IKEA can go more smoothly during this phase, when pain levels are low and energy is high.
• Follow your partner’s lead: Ask how they’re feeling after their period and what you can do to support them during this transitional phase.

What does your partner need during ovulation?

Sexual desire can reach its peak during this phase, but it can also come with pain for some people.

Ovulation phase basics

• Technical name: Early-luteal phase.
• Cycle days: 14 to 21.
• Hormone profile: Progesterone rising.

Many people with periods experience ovulation as a joyful and energetic time.

It’s the most fertile period of the cycle, and research shows an increased interest in romantic kissing, elevated levels of attraction to potential partners, and a spike in sexual desire.

Some studies have also shown that women display more flirting behaviors in this phase.

Some people who ovulate also experience mittelschmerz, or ovulation pain. This mid-cycle pain can last from a few hours to a couple days, and might include cramping, light spotting, or both.

How to help

• Flirt and play beyond the bedroom: If your partner is feeling flirty and you want to reciprocate, try introducing some playfulness and romance into your everyday routine, like giving them compliments or touching them playfully with no expectations it will lead to sex.
• Plan a sexy date night: Your partner’s confidence is likely peaking this week and they might enjoy having an opportunity to get dressed up and show off.
• Check-in with your partner around ovulation pain: If it’s present, ask what would help. Some of the same tools that are supportive during menstruation, like a hot water bottle, can help with ovulation pain.

How to support during the luteal phase

Big changes can happen in this phase, but it’s not only related to premenstrual syndrome (PMS). Some changes can be positive.

Luteal phase basics

• Technical names: Late-luteal or premenstrual.
• Cycle days: 22 to 28.
• Hormone profile: Estrogen falling and progesterone rising.

This phase can be associated with a burst of creativity and heightened emotional sensitivity (a superpower if you ask me!), as well as increased appetite and a decrease in REM sleep, the sleep that affects our mood, memory, and ability to learn.

The luteal phase is also associated with increased levels of relationship satisfaction and in-pair sexual attraction. So if you’re in a long-term relationship, you might feel more intimately connected with your partner.

For some folks, this phase comes and goes without too much disruption. But for those who experience PMS it can be tough.

PMS

This the medical term for when symptoms leading up to menstruation are severe enough to impair daily functioning.

While PMS is normalized in our culture, it’s important to know that period pain is not something anyone should just have to tolerate.

Physical symptoms commonly include:

• cramps
• breast pain
• bloating
• fatigue
• headache or migraine
• nausea
• lower-back pain
• joint pain
• upset digestion

Psychological symptoms can include:

• depression
• anxiety
• irritability
• loss of confidence
• mood swings

Historically, healthcare experts have emphasized mood changes over physical symptoms of PMS, minimizing the physical pain and other symptoms.

This led to the harmful stereotype of “hysterical” or “overly emotional” woman — essentially implying people with PMS are just being dramatic.

These stereotypes can be dangerous because they can result in women not being taken seriously when trying to access medical care.

How you can help

• Feed their increased appetite: Does your partner tend to get hungrier than usual around this time in their cycle? If so, can you prep meals for the week? Stock the fridge with nourishing snacks?
• Help them sleep: Consider volunteering for early morning household tasks like getting the kids ready for school or walking the dog so your partner can sleep longer.
• Keep track of their cycle (with their consent): Many cycle tracking apps allow the user to share the account with a partner. Knowing when this phase is coming can help you get into a more patient and empathetic mindset.
• Remind yourself it’s not personal: If your partner is irritable, remember that their threshold for regulating their emotions might be lower than usual right now.
• Press pause on any big talks, if possible: Major life decisions and relationship conversations may be better suited for the follicular or ovulatory phases.
• Avoid stereotypes: Try not to say things like, “don’t be so dramatic,” or imply it’s all in their head. And definitely don’t use the word hysterical.
• Remind your partner (and yourself) that this is temporary: Feelings of depression, anxiety, and loss of confidence will likely pass with menstruation.

Health conditions that can change menstrual cycle needs

Many health conditions impact the menstrual cycle. If your partner has one of these, be aware they may need different support.

• Dysmenorrhea: Also known as painful periods, this condition comes with severe cramps, pain, and nausea.
• Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD): Causes severe mood changes, including anxiety, depression, and suicide ideation, in addition to typical PMS symptoms.
• Endometriosis: A chronic disease in which the lining of the uterus grows outside the uterus. It can cause severe pain, infertility, and very heavy periods.
• Polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS): A hormonal condition that can interrupt ovulation and cause irregular or missed periods.

The final word

Supporting your partner throughout their menstrual cycle is about more than just periods. When you understand all four phases, it’s easier to relate to your partner’s moods and behaviours.

Of course, all people who menstruate have their own unique lived experience of their cycles. The best thing you can do is be curious and invite your partner to share what they’re going through.

Whether it’s understanding the hormonal fluctuations that underlie their mood changes, or deciding if your next date night should be Seinfeld reruns or a night on the town, showing an interest in your partner’s cycle can bring you closer together.