A “chosen family” is a group of people who operate together as a family, but without biological or legal connections. It’s a family group people create by choice in which members provide mutual care and support.
The concept of chosen family is often used among people who have experienced distance or rejection from their families of origin, especially people in queer and trans communities.
A chosen family doesn’t usually replace a bio-legal family — that is, the family you were born into or joined legally voluntarily or involuntarily. People also call this your “family of origin.”
- Other terms for “chosen family”: fictive kin, voluntary kin, chosen kin.
- Four types of chosen family: Expert Dr. Dawn O. Braithwaite says chosen families can be divided up into four main categories. They are:
- Substitute kin: Chosen kin replace members of the bio-legal family. Braithwaite’s research has found this is relatively rare.
- Supplemental kin: When voluntary family members are an addition to a person’s family of origin.
- Convenience kin: People you become close to due to proximity, like in school, camp, a close-knit community group, or drug rehab.
- Extended kin: Neighbors or other people in your immediate community who are close and share family activities, like eating dinner together.
- Why do people have chosen family?: Many reasons. Chosen family members often meet needs that are not met by the family of origin or bio-legal kin. This may be because of different values (religious or political), life changes, or just life states, like being LGBTQ or having geographical distance from your family of origin.
- How to find chosen family: “It happens organically,” says Braithwaite. “Finding hobbies, going to a church, volunteering, or getting involved in social groups are all ways to make these relationships, whether or not they grow into close friends. I think it’s just putting yourself in the right place.”
For a deeper understanding, explore these related articles:
- How to Find Your Chosen Family: Q&A with Dawn O. Braithwaite
- 17 Inclusive Children’s Books About Diverse Families
- How to Deal With Difficult Family Members During the Holidays
- Why Self-Compassion Is Key for Your Relationships: Expert
Sarah Garone
Sarah Garone, NDTR, CNC, is a nutritionist and freelance health and wellness writer in Mesa, AZ. Her work has appeared in a variety of publications, including The Washington Post, Insider, Everyday Health, Health.com, and SHAPE. When she's not writing, you can find her baking, running, or singing soprano in a local classical choir. She and her husband have been married for over 20 years and have three teenage children.
Science writer and founder of Relationship Smart. A bad boss once scoffed at her decision to study psychology, calling it "pseudoscience." She's had a chip on her shoulder ever since. This website is her response — because the world of our minds is real, important, and studyable. Relationship Smart is here to answer all your burning questions about relationships with scientific rigor and sensitivity.