Key points
- Creating a strong emotional connection is the most important way to stay connected in a long-distance relationship.
- The most important things to focus on when living far away from your partner are communication, focusing on the little things, creating intimacy, and sharing individual experiences.
- Signs that your long-distance relationship may not be working include emotional disconnection, not having plans to see each other, and feelings of resentment.
Being in a romantic relationship with someone can be wonderful, but long-distance relationships can present unique challenges.
The good news is that people in long-distance relationships report similar levels of satisfaction as those who live together or nearby.
Interestingly, another study found that those who lived farther apart from each other had more intimacy, communication, relationship satisfaction, and sexual communication.
It may be that couples find more ways to be close because of the distance between them.
So how do you stay connected in a long-distance relationship? We asked our experts to let us in on the best ways to make a long-distance relationship successful. Hint: it’s all about establishing a strong emotional connection.
Why long-distance can be hard
Not having the hugs, kisses, and more that are part of most romantic relationships can be tough. But it’s not just that.
A lack of physical contact can make maintaining a long-distance relationship more difficult, says Raul Haro, LMFT, RN, a licensed marriage and family therapist and registered nurse at Pathways Recovery Center.
“Long-distance relationships put an immense strain on the key elements that make up a strong feeling of intimacy, namely, being together, having shared experiences, and communicating with one another,” he explains.
“Touch and closeness between people are also very important, and the spatial separation between the partners often heightens the sense of being lonely, insecure, or not being understood,” Haro says.
What is emotional connection?
The key to a fulfilling long-distance relationship is establishing a strong emotional connection. Let’s define what that means.
“An emotional connection is formed when you can be genuinely vulnerable with someone,” says Carly Manning, a relationship expert and sex therapist at Bliss Relate.
“You trust them and confide in them, and you spend time learning more about them so that you can understand them better,” says Manning. “An emotional connection doesn’t just make you feel valued by another person. It also makes you feel as though you’re actually being seen by someone else.”
4 ways to build emotional connection with your partner
Here are the top four ways to become emotionally connected with your partner, according to our experts:
1. Communicate
Because you aren’t often in each other’s physical presence, an emphasis on open and two-way communication is a must to keep your bond strong.
“Communication is everything,” Manning says. “Actively listening and acknowledging the things they struggle with are important.”
2. Focus on the little things
Find ways to show that you genuinely care for your partner, even when they’re far away. These don’t have to be grand gestures. Small things matter, as long as you focus on being thoughtful and genuine.
“Every day you should offer little compliments and let them know they are appreciated,” Manning advises.
3. Create intimacy
This may sound challenging when there is so much distance between you, but creating intimacy is crucial for keeping up your connection. It doesn’t necessarily need to be sexual intimacy. More a sense of togetherness and connection.
“Regular online meetings, audio messages, letters, observing rituals (for example, watching the same television series) and discussing each other’s lives, dreams, and fears are all effective ways to enhance the sense of emotional attachment,” Haro explains.
“Ensure intimacy regardless of distance,” advises Haro.
4. Share your individual experiences with your partner
When things happen in your life, sharing them with your partner can build a strong emotional bond. This lets them into your everyday world (and vice versa).
You want your partner to “match your emotional experience, despite having not been there,” says Caleb Birkhoff, LMFT, a couples therapist at Golden Gate Counseling Services.
This can be as simple as sending text messages to share news, funny observations, stories, struggles, and successes. Research shows that frequent texting predicts greater satisfaction for those in long-distance relationships.
3 signs long distance isn’t working
If you’re questioning your long-distance relationship, here are three signs that it might need serious changes:
- Emotional disconnection: An emotional disconnection “is the major sign [of a relationship not working], and this becomes quite obvious through more frequent misunderstandings or not being able to make as much time for each other anymore,” Manning says.
- No future plans: If you don’t have plans as a couple to get together in person, it could be a sign that things aren’t working out. “You might note a distinct lack of future plans together, which can lead to growing doubts and insecurities about your relationship and future,” Manning says.
- Resentment: Intense feelings of bitterness or resentment from you or your partner are another sign that the relationship may not be going well, according to Haro and a 2019 study.
For more insights and support, read our articles on:
- tips for a healthy relationship, including conflict management
- what makes some long-distance relationships break down
- how to know when it’s time to break up
- how to manage a long-distance break-up
Frequently asked questions
Here are some answers to common questions about staying connected in a long-distance relationship.
Should you talk every day in a long-distance relationship?
If you want to know how to stay happy in a long-distance relationship, you need to communicate with each other frequently—but how often should you talk?
According to Birkhoff, it’s up to you and your partner to define how often you want to be in contact with one another.
“You don’t have to have a long conversation every day, but they should not be infrequent,” he says.
“The level of communication will likely be up from your geographically-convenient relationships, but don’t belabor the point.”
For more, read our article about how often to talk in long-distance relationships.
How do you know a man loves you in a long-distance relationship?
If you’re in a long-distance relationship with a guy, you might be trying to gauge how much he’s into it. A common question Manning is asked is: Can a man fall in love long distance?
Absolutely, he says. It can help to know the signs that your guy is committed to the relationship.
“Things like making future plans together and including you in their daily life are pretty big signs that they love you,” Manning says.
“But it’s also present in the emotional support they offer you alongside plenty of communication and affectionate gestures that make you feel good and cared about,” says Manning. “If they prioritize you and you prioritize them, it’s a pretty clear sign.”
How do you deal with a lack of touch in a long distance relationship?
Many people question how a long-distance relationship can work without much physical contact, but it’s possible.
“Space can be painful, but it does not translate into a lack of love,” Haro says.
“Rather, given gaps where physical touch is absent, messages and gifts can all be considered forms of affection as well,” Haro says. “Finding more inventive ways to express love, like sending things that may have significance to both parties, is also effective.”
The final word
Long-distance relationships may seem daunting but we hope you leave this article with some solid takeaways for navigating their challenges.
Making sure to establish a strong emotional connection. Then, maintaining it with open communication is key.
Even just telling your partner about the small things happening during your day goes a long way to building intimacy while you’re apart.