Key points
- The reasons people may cheat in long-distance relationships include a lack of physical intimacy, a need for emotional connection, poor communication, low self-esteem, and isolation.
- When it comes to long-distance relationships, men are more likely to cheat for physical reasons, while women are more likely to cheat for emotional reasons.
- Twenty-two percent of people in a large U.S. study reported cheating in a long-distance relationship.
While it’s easy to assume that distance alone causes people in long-distance relationships (LDRs) to cheat, the most common reasons are actually more complex.
They include a lack of physical intimacy, missing emotional connection, poor communication, self-esteem and isolation.
Recently, 22% of those in LDRs reported cheating (out of 7,392 respondents in the US).
This is only slightly higher than 20% of Americans who reported having extramarital sex in 2006 but much higher than the 16.5% who reported doing it in 2018. (Note that these two stats do not specify whether the couple is in a LDR or not, so they represent the general population.)
The impact of “cheating never gets easier, and it can be especially hard in long-distance relationships,” says Carly Manning, a relationship expert and sex therapist.
Regardless of whether you’re in a LDR or living near your partner, infidelity (being unfaithful in a relationship) is a major cause of breaking up, according to this 2020 study.
So let’s dig into why people in LDRs cheat.
Reasons for cheating in a long-distance relationship
We asked relationship experts and dug into the research to find out why people in LDRs cheat. These are the reasons we found:
Lack of physical intimacy
As you might have guessed, not having physical contact with your partner can lead to cheating.
“While sex isn’t everything in a relationship, even small acts of intimacy, such as hugs and holding hands, can be game-changers for a relationship,” Manning says. “Not having that [physical contact] often leaves a person feeling as though they don’t have the love and support they need.”
Missing emotional connection
In addition to physical connection, long-distance cheating may occur for emotional reasons.
“Emotional cheating is certainly more common [in long-distance relationships],” Manning explains.
“According to studies, while physical cheating happens in around 22% of long-distance relationships, emotional cheating occurs 47% of the time,” Manning continues. “This is definitely fuelled by the fact that more than half of long-distance couples are afraid their partner will find someone better.”
Poor communication
Lack of communication was a top challenge for people in LDRs, according to 40% of participants in a 2018 survey.
This has historically been the case, too. Poor communication, in combination with low satisfaction and constant conflict, can increase the risk of infidelity in a relationship, according to some older research.
Self-esteem
According to Kevin Coleman, a marriage and family therapist, people may cheat in LDRs as a way to “raise their self-esteem.”
This 2020 study found that people who felt sexually or emotionally dissatisfied in their relationship believed that being unfaithful boosted their self-esteem.
Isolation
Given the distance between partners, feelings of isolation and a lack of connection can exist. Over time, this can lead partners to drift apart emotionally.
Coleman says that people in LDRs may cheat to “avoid feelings of loneliness.”
Why guys cheat in long-distance relationships
Manning says there are several reasons why men may cheat in a LDR: “The reason they cheat tends to lean more towards needing physical affection and sex.”
“Without that physical intimacy,” Manning explains, “it can be harder for men to form a deep and meaningful emotional bond. They often need intimacy a lot more than we realize, and while it doesn’t have to be sex, not having physical touch can be very difficult for men to overcome.”
The differences between why women and men cheat are becoming less different
Why women cheat in long-distance relationships
When it comes to women, the reasons they cheat are often focused on emotional needs or relationship dissatisfaction.
“While you can build an incredible bond over long distances,” says Manning, “there is still a significant disconnect because of the distance and the fact that you can’t always communicate with each other when you need to.”
“Breakdowns in communication are common in long-distance relationships, and this only contributes to that emotional disconnection,” Manning says.
Whether in a LDR or not, women were twice as likely to cite relationship dissatisfaction, as opposed to sexual desire, and four times more likely to cite “lack of investment” from their partner as the reason they cheated.
Long-distance relationship cheating statistics
Who cheats more in a LDR, men or women?
Men cheat more frequently than women (22.57% vs 11.76%), according to data from 2018.
Here are some other interesting statistics regarding cheating in LDRs from the large 2024 survey we mentioned earlier:
- Cheating was ranked third (17.5%) in the reasons why LDRs ended, with jealousy (28.7%) and “bad or not enough communication” (40.2%) being the most common factors for LDRs ending.
- Couples in LDRs who met more frequently were less likely to cheat: of those who met monthly, 68% were certain no cheating had occurred, with confidence being 48% for those who met every 4-6 months.
- Over half (50.8%) of respondents had been in a LDR for over a year.
Can couples recover from cheating?
If you and your partner are willing to put in the work, Coleman says, it’s possible to rebuild your relationship after betrayal.
“Couples can absolutely recover from cheating,” says Coleman, “if both people commit to working on the issues which led to the cheating, usually with the help of a couples counselor.”
Frequently asked questions
We’ve answered the most frequent questions readers ask about the reasons people cheat in LDRs below.
Is it common to cheat in a long-distance relationship?
Emotional cheating can be as high as 47% for people in LDRs, according to Manning.
For physical cheating, 22% of people in LDRs reported cheating in 2024, while 20% of those in LDRs and non-LDRs reported cheating in 2006 and 16.5% in 2018.
Can a man be faithful in a long-distance relationship?
Just over 22% of men reported cheating in a LDR, according to a study from 2020.
While that can seem like a large percentage, there’s still a remaining 77.4% who are fully committed to their partners.
Why do guys cheat even if they love you?
“Most of the time, it’s because of a need that isn’t being fulfilled,” says Manning, “but they don’t have the ability to communicate what that need is with their partner—hence the importance of therapy. It can also be down to issues such as past trauma or needing excitement in their lives when the opportunity appears.”
“It might seem confusing,” Manning continues, “but a man can still love someone and cheat on them.”
How do I know if my long-distance boyfriend is cheating?
Here are the top signs that your long-distance boyfriend is cheating on you, according to Coleman:
- Avoidance
- Emotional distancing
- Telling “white lies”
- Lack of boundaries in friendships
But even with these signs, it can still be difficult to figure out if your partner is cheating.
“You may never know for certain that someone is cheating until you have evidence or they confess it to you,” Coleman adds.
The final word
Cheating can be devastating to relationships. But that doesn’t mean it’s hopeless.
Whether you suspect your partner is cheating or you’re working towards recovering after cheating, the most common areas to focus on are physical intimacy (when you can), building emotional connection, improving your communication, building self-esteem, and finding ways to reduce feelings of isolation.