Key points
- Alloparenting involves someone caring for a child that is not biologically theirs.
- Examples of alloparents can be grandparents, friends, teachers, tutors, and babysitters.
- Alloparenting can give children a sense of belonging, lessen the burden on parents, and bring communities together.
Let’s be honest — raising a child isn’t easy. Children look to their parents or guardians for constant food, shelter, care, and support.
Alloparenting (aka community parenting) is a community approach to raising children. Alloparented children are at least partially raised by people who aren’t their biological parents.
This article explores alloparenting, including its pros and cons.
What is alloparenting?
Alloparenting is the practice of caring for children who aren’t your own. It’s also known as allomothering, and when people are talking about animals, they call it cooperative breeding.
“These caregivers are usually highly related relatives, close friends, or people in the community that help raise, nurture, and develop a child,” says Sham Singh, MD, a board-certified psychiatrist at WINIT Clinic.
Singh explains that alloparenting is a common strategy across cultures and species, where multiple caregivers in addition to the parents share the responsibility of raising a child.
This approach lightens the workload for parents and ensures the child has access to resources for healthy development.
The term “alloparenting” was coined by sociobiologist Edward O. Wilson in 1975 in his book Sociobiology: The New Synthesis.
Margaret Mead, a well-known cultural anthropologist and writer known for her commentary on various social issues, believed children should be raised within a network of caring people rather than a “nuclear” family.
A nuclear family unit refers to a family group that’s limited to two parents and their children in one home.
Mead discussed the concept of alloparenting in her landmark 1928 study, Coming of Age in Samoa.
What is an example of alloparenting?
“In nature, we find examples of alloparental care amongst animals,” Singh says. “For example, older siblings and other members of the elephant herd help to care for the young.”
But what about in humans?
Here are a few examples of what this looks like, according to Suzannah Weiss, AASECT-certified sex educator, sex and love coach, birth doula, and author of Subjectified:
- A child being taken care of by grandparents, step-parents, siblings, or non-biological parents
- In non-monogamous relationships, with three or more partners parenting a child
- When teachers, tutors, and babysitters provide support to a child
3 benefits of alloparenting
Here’s a breakdown of some alloparenting benefits.
1. Improves child development
Having a community as a family can positively impact child development.
“When children have enough people present to care for them, they are more likely to grow up to be healthy, stable, and well-rounded adults,” Weiss says.
2. Reduces burden on biological parents
When parents have the support of alloparents to raise their children, it lessens their caregiving burden.
“Shared responsibilities liberate time and flexibility for parents to attend to other areas in their life, such as work or personal care,” Singh says.
3. Strengthens communities
Singh points out that alloparenting can also strengthen communities.
“It raises the level of cooperation, empathy, and mutual concern,” he says. “As people come together to raise children, they form strong bonds, build trust, and develop shared purpose.”
Drawbacks of alloparenting
Cultural and personal differences can crop up when people help with parenting duties.
“Other caregivers may have different expectations or a different approach to discipline,” says Singh. “This may confuse a child when messages given by one caregiver contradict those given by another.”
“Cultural or personal differences in caregiving style must be negotiated amongst caregivers to ensure the child’s needs are met consistently within a secure environment,” Singh says.
How to create community for your child
- Tip 1: Weiss suggests getting to know your community by participating in activities, classes, community services, or religious services.
- Tip 2: Singh recommends parents connect with or stay connected with their extended family to create a community for their children.
- Tip 3: Visit your child’s school to get more involved with their community.
Frequently asked questions
Here are answers to some common questions about alloparenting.
What is the purpose of alloparenting?
Singh says alloparenting aims to “enrich the child’s environment and create stability and resilience through the distribution of caregiving across caretakers.”
How common is alloparenting?
A 2001 study found that out of 1,100 children followed from birth to age 7, 90% had experienced nonmaternal care by age 3, and 50% were spending over 30 hours a week in nonmaternal care.
What does ‘it takes a village to raise a child’ mean?
This phrase means that a child’s upbringing requires the “involvement of the wider community through various models, life experiences, and sense of social connectedness,” says Singh.
What is the importance of community for kids?
Having a community can give kids a sense of belonging, says Weiss.
“Kids want to feel like they belong and are accepted,” she explains. “It is important for the development of a healthy nervous system to know there are people you can go to and trust when you’re in need.”
The final word
A child’s development can benefit from the support of caring adults beyond their parents.
You can think of it as a bonus add-on to a traditional or nuclear family — it can be informal and involve people in your child’s everyday life, like teachers. It can be nice to have extended family, friends, neighbors, and other community members who can support your children when needed.
If there’s a parents’ group in your community, consider attending the next meeting and connecting with folks in your community.