Key takeaways
- Codependent relationships are unhealthy relationship dynamics where one partner is giving much more time, energy, and focus than the other partner.
- Interdependent relationships are healthy, balanced, and mutually respected partnerships that allow individuals to support and rely on each other without losing their independence.
- If you’re in a codependent relationship, you can work toward a healthier, interdependent dynamic. Start with open communication, set clear boundaries, and consider seeking support from a therapist to guide the process.
When it comes to relationships, there’s a major difference between healthy and unhealthy dynamics.
Codependency (AKA relationship addiction) is an unhealthy, one-sided relationship dynamic.
In codependent relationships, one person pours everything into meeting their partner’s emotional and psychological needs — at the cost of their own well-being.
What’s the opposite of a toxic, codependent relationship? Interdependency.
A 2019 Journal of Personality and Social Psychology article defines interdependent relationships as those built on mutual emotional respect and support. It’s an equal partnership where both people lift each other up while maintaining their individuality.
Think of it this way:
- Codependent relationships = toxic, unbalanced, and draining
- Interdependent relationships = healthy, empowering, and full of mutual respect
Read on for a deeper dive into codependency vs interdependency.
What is an interdependent relationship?
According to Barbara Santini, a psychologist and relationship advisor, an interdependent relationship is one where “both parties depend on each other for support, growth, and fulfillment. Interdependent relationships foster trust, communication, and collaboration, where each individual grows.”
Though the terms sound similar, interdependence and independence are fundamentally different. Interdependence strikes a balance between relying on others and meeting your own needs.
In contrast, independence focuses entirely on self-sufficiency and addressing your needs alone.
Interdependent relationship examples
So, what does interdependence look like in a relationship?
According to a 2016 research article from Frontiers in Psychology, here are some key characteristics of romantic interdependent relationships:
- active listening
- healthy boundaries
- allowing time for personal interests
- taking responsibility for actions
- clear communication
- creating a safe space for one another to be vulnerable
- healthy self-esteem
What is a codependent relationship?
The opposite of interdependence is codependence.
In a codependent relationship, one partner depends heavily on the other to meet their personal and emotional needs. Typically, one partner takes on the role of the giver or caretaker while the other becomes the taker or dependent.
Codependency vs interdependency
To help you better understand the similarities and differences between codependent and interdependent relationships, here’s a side-by-side comparison:
| Codependent relationship | Interdependent relationship | |
| Partners communicate in healthy ways | No | Yes |
| One partner sacrifices their wants to do what the other partner(s) wants to do | No | Yes |
| Each partner helps calm the other(s) when they’re upset | Yes | Yes |
| Each partner encourages the other(s) to spend time apart for independent activities | No | Yes |
| The relationship involves a giver and a taker | Yes | No |
| Each partner has mutual respect for one another | No | Yes |
| Partners share an equal amount of responsibility and roles in the relationship | No | Yes |
Why interdependence is healthy in relationships
According to Santini, interdependence is a healthy way to nae your romantic relationships.
“An interdependent relationship is healthy because parties in these arrangements allow each other to preserve their identity and engage in activities they find interesting,” she explains.
“Interdependent relationships allow partners to freely make choices about important life decisions without interference and concerning personal boundaries.”
3 tips for building healthy interdependence
If you’re in a relationship and looking to create a stronger, more balanced connection, here are some practical tips to foster interdependence:
1. Set clear boundaries
For an interdependent relationship to succeed, you and your partner(s) need to establish boundaries.
“The first step is setting clear boundaries, where limits are communicated openly,” Santini says. “Setting limits is also tied to open communication and individuality.”
2. Encourage each other to do individual activities
In an interdependent relationship, partners respect each other’s individuality and encourage personal interests.
“Encourage personal development, hobbies, and friendships,” says Laurel Roberts-Meese, a licensed therapist and clinical director.
3. Manage your emotions
Like any relationship, there will be times when you might disagree with your partner(s). Mutual respect and support are critical in an interdependent relationship, so keeping your emotions in check is important.
“Manage your anxiety around small differences of opinion and values,” Roberts-Meese says.
The final word on codependency vs interdependency
Healthy relationships thrive on balance. In an interdependent relationship, both partners maintain their individuality while supporting each other.
This creates space for mutual respect, healthy boundaries, and emotional growth.
In contrast, codependent relationships can feel one-sided, leaving one partner overwhelmed by carrying the emotional and mental load for both.
Over time, this imbalance can lead to resentment or burnout.
Do you recognize the signs of codependency in your relationship? Seeking couples counseling can be a powerful first step to building healthier dynamics.
Frequently asked questions about codependency vs dependency
How do you turn codependency into interdependence?
If you’re ready to transition from a codependent relationship to an interdependent one, Santini recommends identifying and acknowledging any unhealthy practices and committing to creating a more balanced relationship.
How do you become independent after being codependent?
If you recently left a codependent relationship and are ready for independence, Santini suggests taking the time to rediscover yourself.
Before entering a new relationship, spend some time focusing on your own needs and discovering your likes and dislikes.
What defines an interdependent partner?
According to Roberts-Meese, an interdependent partner is “someone who is securely attached, respects their partner(s), and can tolerate a reasonable amount of distance, difference, and conflict.”
What are the roots of codependency?
According to Santini, codependency is rooted in childhood experiences and low self-esteem.
“Most children raised in families with a parent suffering from emotional disturbance or substance abuse problems can create co-dependency issues,” she says. “The fear of losing someone could also lead to codependency.”