What Is Emotional Abuse? Signs, Examples, & How to Respond

Emotional abuse is when one person purposely frightens or humiliates another in an effort to control, isolate, or punish them.

Unlike physical and sexual abuse, emotional abuse is often hard to detect.

It can be subtly spread through your everyday interactions with someone and hard to pin down, especially because it doesn’t leave physical evidence.

Yet it causes great harm to individuals over their lifetimes. Studies show that emotional abuse may be even more harmful than physical or sexual abuse over the long term.

Emotional abuse can happen in any type of relationship between people, including within a family, between intimate partners, toward children, between friends, and at work.

Many cultures consider many forms of emotional abuse to be normal, proper, or not a big deal. 

But emotional abuse can have serious consequences.

Signs and examples of emotional abuse

Emotional abuse can take many forms.

Here are common forms of emotional abuse:

• Verbal abuse, such as calling names or making jokes at another person’s expense (then often criticizing them for not being able to take a joke)
• Getting angry in a way that frightens people
• Constant taunting, criticism, or yelling
• Belittling, like speaking negatively about someone’s accomplishments, negatively comparing someone with their peers, or putting down the things they’re interested in.
• Purposely putting another person in an embarrassing or uncomfortable position, such as locking them out of the house or embarrassing them in front of other people
• Public shaming
• Rejection and conditional affection
• Psychological manipulation
• Neglect
• Isolating someone from friends and family
• Gaslighting — denying something really happened
• Refusing to take responsibility for their actions
• Cyberbullying
• Coercion and using guilt to make someone do something
• Control, such as acting like they know what’s best for the other person, against their will
• Threatening blackmail or self-harm if you don’t do what they want
• Harming or threatening to harm pets
• Ostracism or excluding others at work
• The silent treatment
• Shaming around gender-specific expectations, such as physical appearance
• Frightening physical behavior, like punching a wall or breaking dishes

People often justify these behaviors as appropriate discipline or insist they do them out of love.

Emotional abuse can happen in children when parents are insensitive to the child’s developmental stage and punish them for doing things that are typical for their age.

Consequences

People who are subjected to emotional abuse often feel powerlessness, confusion, shame, guilt, and anxiety. They may cry frequently and blame themselves for the emotional abuse they’re experiencing, though it’s not their fault.

In children, emotional abuse and emotional neglect are some of the most common forms of child maltreatment and they can be very damaging to a child’s development.

Emotional abuse in children often results in mental health issues in adolescence and later in life, such as depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem.

Experiencing emotional abuse in childhood is linked to having more traumatic experiences later in life, as well as symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

In teens, emotional abuse negatively affects the ability to trust others, the formation of identity and the ability to regulate emotions.

In adults, emotional abuse — with a romantic partner, for example — has many negative consequences for those who experience it over a prolonged period.

Emotional abuse may lead to many issues in adults, including substance use, anxiety, depression, and chronic pain. It’s also been linked to neuroticism — the tendency to be worried, distressed, and anxious.

How to respond to emotional abuse

If you’re experiencing emotional abuse from a romantic partner or at home, it’s never your fault. The best way to respond to emotional abuse is to seek support outside the relationship.

Speak with someone you trust, and consider calling your local domestic violence organization for support and to help you figure out next steps.

You can call the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline for free, confidential assistance in the United States. Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text “START” to 88788.

If you think you or someone else may be in immediate danger, call 911. 

How to cope

People experiencing emotional abuse may internalize the issue and blame themselves for their distress.

Many cultures discourage people who have experienced emotional abuse from talking about their feelings, which can lead to emotional repression and make the situation worse. Boys are especially discouraged from expressing themselves.

Don’t stay silent. Talk to someone.

Talking about your experiences with someone, especially an experienced therapist or support worker, can provide critical emotional support and information you need to help yourself.

Beyond seeking help, these coping strategies have been shown to help people experiencing emotional abuse:

• Speaking with supportive people, like a teacher, coach, or therapist
• Nurturing healthy relationships with friends or peers where you can express yourself without fear
• Creative self-expression, such as journaling, drawing, or making music

Who’s at risk?

Anyone can experience emotional abuse, including children, men, and women of all ages from all backgrounds.

Who emotionally abuses others?

Anyone is capable of emotionally abusing others. 

Many types of emotional abuse are accepted and considered “normal” in many cultures.

For instance, many people frame emotional abuse toward children — like shaming and criticism — as discipline and responsible parenting. This is often the case in authoritarian-style parenting.

This kind of treatment of children can happen anywhere, but may be especially common in collectivist societies, such as India, China, Japan, and some countries in the Middle East.

Because emotional abuse is normalized in many societies, people who behave in emotionally abusive ways may not view their behavior as harmful, but as right and appropriate.

Is emotional abuse a crime?

Intimate partner violence, which includes emotional abuse, is considered a human rights violation around the world.

Some forms of emotional abuse are considered crimes in the United States, Canada, and other countries, including stalking or threatening to harm someone.

You may be able to get a restraining order depending on the type of emotional abuse you’re experiencing. This varies by jurisdiction.

Many forms of emotional abuse aren’t considered crimes, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t escape them. If you think you may be experiencing emotional abuse, reach out to your local domestic violence organization for assistance.

Other words for emotional abuse

Emotional abuse is also called:

• Psychological abuse
• Emotional neglect
• Verbal abuse
• Mental cruelty
• Intimate terrorism
• Psychological aggression

Read more

If you found this article interesting, you might like these Relationship Smart articles:

• 7 Ways Childhood Trauma Can Affect Your Relationships
• What Is DARVO? Examples, Tips, and Signs
• 7 Peaceful Tips for Dealing with Neighborhood Bullying
• Codependency in Relationships: Meaning, Signs, Stages, and More
• What Is Stockholm Syndrome? Defending the Perpetrator
• How to Stand Up to a Bully at Work: 5 Tips